And Thus Begins Armageddon

Screen Shot 2014-03-06 at 9.03.24 AMThe New Yorker shares this startling tale of impending doom.

Escargot with herb and garlic butter is on the line, globally. “All snails in Europe could be wiped out,” Jean-Lou Justine of the Muséum National d’Histoire Naturelle tells the site. “It may seem ironic, but it’s worth pointing out the effect that this will have on French cooking.”

Sweet, merciful Jesus. First Ukraine and now THIS?

She Virtually Stopped Breathing

The CEO of a virtual currency exchange was found dead near her home in Singapore. A police spokesman said Thursday that initial investigations indicated there was no suspicion of “foul play” in the Feb. 26 death, meaning officers do not suspect murder. The spokesman said police found 28-year-old Autumn Radtke, an American, lying motionless near the apartment tower where she lived.

Was it a “virtual” suicide?

My Humble Beginnings

475px-Rippl_The_DetectiveMy father had a thing about Illinois. He was released from prison when he was 55 after doing a hard labor stint for armed robbery where an old lady got killed. He was 18 at the time and he could have gotten the one way ride, but the state pleaded it down to aggravated manslaughter. Some trouble while in the can lengthened his stay past the 25-year sentence, but he finally caught on that he was going nowhere fast and did the rest of his time like an angel. When he was cut loose, he was so thankful that the state hadn’t fried him like the bad egg he was, that he decided he would start a family and name each of his children after a county in the Land of Lincoln. In 1960, he married a prostitute. She retired from the business and had seven children before dad killed her in a drunken rage over a suspected extramarital liaison. He went back to Marion and this time he wasn’t quite so lucky. He was given the needle three weeks before that Gacy clown.

I was the first. Therefore, I was named Sangamon. That’s the county where the state capitol of Springfield is located. I’ve never been there. I was 14 when dad put an ice pick in sweet Mommy’s eye and I’ve been on my own ever since.  When I turned 18, I legally changed my last name. But I kept my given name. It’s the only thing my father ever gave me that had any sort of meaning or class to it.

So, call me “Sang.” I’m an investigator. If you need a button pushed on a lowlife, I’m the guy to call. I don’t do murder. I investigate and expose. It’s all nice and legal. Most of the time.